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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in canisqmajoris' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
8:05 pm
Re: shut up
It's really difficult to have a conversation with a moron. 
Monday, March 9th, 2009
8:00 pm
It's down.
What is fixing to happen here? 
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
9:20 pm
Today I learned that I have no idea what I'm doing.  I discovered, quite without a chance to prepare for it, that what I know is meaningless and vapid.  "Well, he's moving." We hear often about the editorial "we", but I discovered an editorial "him" that cut deeply into the cloistered safeguard of my passion. Passion that never sleeps, never rests, never compromises, and never sees the light of day.  Have I mistaken my capability in this?  What I want is what I deserve... it's what I've had and lost, what I've missed and imagined, what I've sought and studied in my salad days, and thence onward into my modern indigence.  I don't know the exhilaration of goals and achievements. I know the now, this moment, this very day! and that I can't stop imagining the exalted joy and complacent bliss of realizing what I desire.  May it not harm me, as hopefulness so often does.  Please, grant this one small thing for me.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
10:27 pm
Memetic drift
Talk to Your Past Meme!
If you could travel back to 10 years ago (1999), and say 10 things to your younger self, what would YOU say?

1. Never trust anybody
2. Never love anybody
3. Ignore what you know
4. Be prepared to lose
5. Brush your teeth
6. Listen to more music
7. Quit trying to be loved
8. Stop being yourself
9. Stay away from CNS stimulants
10. Give me your wallet

Current Mood: blank
Monday, January 12th, 2009
10:32 pm
Do staff members and their entourages really lack anything better to do? Christ. 

Current Mood: bored
Monday, January 5th, 2009
10:08 pm
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
7:15 pm
Re: who really cares
I surprised myself today by utterly failing at nearly everything I attempted to do. I don't want to die, but I wouldn't mind a good sturdy coma.

Current Mood: lethargic
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
5:42 pm
Re: Christmas eve
This morning I woke up 12 hours late.  I found out I'm both a horrible person and a jealous asshole.  My car burst into flames when I turned the key, and I died a couple times.  On the way to work I ran over a school bus full of children and served three consecutive life sentences for copyright infringement.  Upon arrival, I got mugged three times and my belt broke, so my pants kept falling down all day.  I ate some bad deviled eggs and spent two or three days in the bathroom vomiting my guts out.  For lunch I got fired six times and I punched my boss in the face.  I did no work at all and then I got fired again just for fun.  I was guilted into working on Friday, which means the little child in the hospital I promised to visit will probably die.  After I left I got melted by acid rain and I spent a few months lurking around in the sewers before a kindly old witch recapitulated me in exchange for my first born son.  I got a flat tire on the way home, and then I broke my neck trying to fix it.  When I pulled up to the house I found a smoldering ruin, as it had burned down because I left the coffeemaker on this morning.  I tried to talk to some friends about what had happened, but they all killed me Caesar-style in the middle of our newly-built Senate Chamber.  Then the world ended and human life was extinguished forever from the earth.  Merry Christmas.

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
7:41 am
shut up and go away

Current Mood: blank
Sunday, December 14th, 2008
1:07 am
homo indomitus est
I may be lonely, but I'm not low 
The night is yours and the day is mine 
Equity/enmity parity/pride
Take it in
Take it on
Dust off the shelves and grease the wheels
Tonight is gonna be alright

Current Mood: indescribable
Monday, December 8th, 2008
7:22 am
Writer's Block: Untimely Passing
RIP John Lennon. The list of sudden and unexpected celebrity deaths is long—Princess Di, Heath Ledger, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe, and many more. Which one affected you the most on an emotional level?
Tim Russert's death affected me more than I ever would have expected.  He was like a professor, an uncle, and a drinking buddy all in one. 
Sunday, December 7th, 2008
4:03 pm
A sweet aroma
I was, and I might be now.  If you had known me then, you'd say it's a wonder I survived.  But that's how things were--broken promises, a rusty chain-link fence, and a lonely cup of noodle soup at 7pm sharp.  I don't regret all of the things I did, but I regret plenty of the ones I didn't.  You know it's a curious feeling to make choices you know aren't in your best interest; but then, the lives of tormented people are rife with opportunities. I'm not saying I was special in being so low. No, it was the marked banality of my day-to-day failure that haunted me.  I wanted an excuse, an explanation--something to blame things on other than myself.  I had no control, and I had no hope, and I couldn't see the forest for the trees. That's the cursedly vicious circle of depression. 

But there is hope to be found even when the day, or the week, or the lifetime seems like a wasted effort.  The promise of something good, or different, can transform powerfully, even in the face of certain disappointment. Because though we don't always have the power to change the world around us, hope gives us the incentive to try.  Changes, real changes, come slowly to everybody.  But they do come when the time is right and the hand of provenance cooperates.  Like the smell of a hearty meal greeting you after a long and bitter day of work, evidence of better things to come does appear when we least expect it.  But if we stay out and drink our troubles away, or eat a hasty dinner of guilt in the driver's seat of our cars, that evidence will never find us. 

When time and season and the inexorable progress of life's nameless shapeless opponent conspire against me, I choose to fight, because even if there isn't a sweet aroma awaiting me at home, I can always cook one up for myself.

Current Mood: hopeful
Saturday, December 6th, 2008
6:43 am
Here I go. 
Friday, November 28th, 2008
11:47 am
RE: Dimensional vortices

Here I am at the condo/townhouse belonging to my younger brother and his new wife, and I'm thinking about all the things I haven't done lately.  I won't spell out a boring list here, but suffice it to say that I've been spinning my wheels for a long time, and the excuses are wearing thin.

I have to DO something, you know?  I've been sitting there, like a puddle of water, waiting for something to come along and move me.  It's not ever going to happen.   I think maybe it's time to do something that seems like a bad idea.  The only trouble is, I don't think I have any.

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
11:02 pm
The Jitters by The Dismemberment Plan
No one means what they say
And you can tell as clear as deep-sea fish
All internal organs and glowing eyes
I’ve been good, I’ve been busy
I’ve realized my friend’s true intentions
Cut all ties
I’ve been doing ten thousand pushups a day
Plastic cube filled with pus that sits atop my supervisor’s desk
The feeling of ice on the inside of a wrist
Always tired, need a nap
I have to make myself brush my teeth
I’ve made a list of everything I’ve ever owned
When the days bring nothing new
And the sound of laughter makes you sick
And snide
You know you’ve got the jitters
Nothing’s wrong, I’m just fine
I’ve realized I just don’t like jokes
I’m thinking of moving I can’t call anyone back
You can tell every time they lean away
When you just want to talk
You couldn’t buy their interest now
Stolen cars in a heap
A naked body on the neighbor’s yard
When they let you down on cue
When you give up way before you even try
You know you’ve got
You’ve got the jitters
They glows as they near
Then disappear
Like highway signs on a starless night
And it’s so hard to tell who’s being fled
And who’s in flight
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
6:59 pm
Have you ever been a snowflake?  You begin your life as the tiniest droplet, an insignificant abstraction, in a cold place where the air is thin and you can see the nothingness for miles and miles around. You have a solitary existence in the frozen sky.  Until one day by chance you happen upon another droplet, and suddenly everything is different.  You grow and flex and assert your life until you're a beautiful gem, a glittering star ready to make your debut into the world below.  You fall and fall, and tumble gently as the prima ballerina in the crystalline dance that is your birthright.  And then, the end. 

Current Mood: melancholy
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008
9:11 pm
Sarah Palin has no redeeming qualities. 

Current Mood: worried
Saturday, October 18th, 2008
1:39 am
I never get to be It
Well, so nobody "tagged" me as far as I know.  I'm not really sure what that means though, so infer what you will. 

Eight things about myself about which I am not interested in having any arguments:

1.  I'm not very nice.  I'm good at pretending to be nice, and I know when I should try to be nice, but my honest reactions to many situations would probably seem reprehensible to most people. The people I love are protected under the umbrella of my affection, but I'm indifferent to almost everyone else.  It's a wonder I've ever made friends.

2.  I do not really particularly value many people's opinions.  In fact, I would probably revoke people's communication privileges if I had the ability.  Remember folks, freedom of speech is a right granted by the government, not by me.

3. If I'm right about something it's usually a coincidence.  I have no ability whatsoever to synthesize new information.  Read this journal if you don't know what I mean.

4. I'm simultaneously impelled and repelled by the prospect of social contact.  I crave it, and yet I loathe it.  In college I always flipped out in anticipation of a party, but then I usually wanted to leave after twenty minutes. I don't know whether I like being around people or not. 

5. I am not a fan of the name "Adrian".

6. People who refuse to defend themselves drive me almost as crazy as bullies do.  This goes for everything, I don't mean fighting.  Participation is required in this life.  I don't have anything against victims, but in a perverted way I understand the aggressor's point of view too.  Why should Peter stop taking little Georgie's cookies if Georgie won't tell him to stop?  Well you and I know the answer to that, but Peter evidently doesn't, so ultimately whose responsibility is it to tell him other than Georgie's?  That doesn't mean Peter's going to stop if Georgie steps up, but at least they'll understand one another.

7. I think being civil and getting along in a debate is for people who don't really know or care what they're talking about. Sometimes it is relevant to the discussion that the other person is a complete moron.

8. I hate livejournal.  I think it encourages cliques to consolidate, it facilitates gossip, and it makes possible a whole new variety of slights and insults. The unfortunate few who try to use this place as an honest way to blog or keep in touch with people still get dragged into all the nonsense.   Nonsense perpetrated by people who don't seem to really care what they do as long as they are still safely nested in their inner circle of vacuous codependents.  Is this an unfair assessment? Am I casting my net too wide?  Well, I think of the people who could conceivably read this, the small minority are as I've just described, and they know it.  They're not bad people, they're just drunk on livejournal--most of them haven't even really done anthing to earn it, but they're obsessed with winning.  This place isn't a community, after all, it's a competition.

Item 8 addendum:  If you're one of my friends on here, I'm probably not talking about you.  But if you can think of someone who isn't a mutual friend of ours, then yeah, I probably mean them.

In closing, I may not actually mean any of the things I've just said.  I can't ever really tell. 

Current Mood: predatory
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
8:24 pm
Memetic dispersal
Go to urbandictionary. com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you...

I did, now what?Collapse )
Sunday, August 31st, 2008
1:40 pm
Spelling shenanigans
I found this spelling test on someone else's journal, and I have to say, I'm not happy.  First off, I didn't choose any incorrectly spelled words, and yet it gives me a 95%.

I went back over the list again after seeing that score, and sure enough unless I completely missed one, something is terribly wrong.  Second, if it's going to tell me I got one wrong, shouldn't it have the decency to tell me the word?  

I do sometimes have trouble with this, distinguishing things in lists and making the selections I mean to, but I went back and verified each choice that I had made, and all of them are right.  

So, that's S-H-E-N-A-N-I-G-A-N-S, shenanigans.

Current Mood: annoyed
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